Thank You For…

“Thank your for your [comment, email, message, feedback]…”

I’m beginning to think that any email or letter, and probably voice mail, that begins “Thank you” is part of the corporate douche baggery lexicon. It’s right up there with “We apologize”. Is that how you apologize? If I mean it, I usually say “I’m sorry”.

If there is a Corporate Douche Baggery Dictionary, both of these phrases have to be in there.

“We understand” is another one. Any time anyone is so careful in how they word something that they find themselves using any of these phrases they should really ask themselves “Would this make me feel better about the situation?” By the way if you answered anything other than “No!” you need to go back and take classes on being a human.

Instead of “Thank you for your…” you should say “You’re right. We are jerks. Unfortunately for you we have made our decision and here are our reasons for doing so.”

Another favorite and I’ve slipped on this one a couple of times is “I’m sorry I’ve offended you”. I call this the douchebag apology. What that means is “I’m sorry you were offended”. It’s not accepting any responsibility for whatever upset the person. Depending on the particular offense, there are several ways this interaction could go. I personally like, “I hadn’t thought of it like that.”

I may have to write a Corporate Douche Baggery Dictionary.

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